Unrequited...nevertheless unwavered

It is commonplace that we are and stay attracted to people that are either fond of us already or display evocative tokens. It's sheer bliss having someone cherish you in spite of all your flaws; one who makes even the most trivial of details about you seem pertinent.

Oftentimes we develop the Cinderella complex i.e. an unconscious desire to be “nurtured” by others; for instance depending on their approval and attention to feel special and whole. 

We are intrigued by people who unreservedly proffer themselves to us even in their bad days. They, regardless of whatever circumstance are right there for/with us and consequently overly appreciate our presence in their lives. It is only spontaneous!

This person is an out and out best! And being blessed by a reciprocated love is an occasional but blissful experience. Something you and i would give anything to have and hold onto eternally.

Now, envisage a situation where the only person who overly piques your interest is precisely the one who doesn’t measure up to this. The one who least cares about you but still arouses the deepest and most intense of emotions.

Regardless of their apparent indifference, you are hooked mind, body and soul. Try as you may, shutting them out is a mission as impossible as fathoming God’s ways.

In your sleepless solitude during the dead of the night, they reside in your mind. An array of thoughts crowds your memory and you wish you were in their arms or merely in their presence at that precise moment.

You try to initiate a whatsapp conversation as they are evidently online. Truthfully, you have nothing vital to say, but chatting with them is always a heartwarming experience for you. Even if they take forever to respond, you keep waiting indulgently in anticipation of a reply. You keep watch of that light at the apex of your phone to signal its arrival and your heart somersaults when it finally does. 

You are insensitive to the fact that you initiate almost all the conversations. Notwithstanding the reality that if you took a whole day without starting one, they won’t try to reach you; but it gives you great satisfaction that they are always there when you seek them out; they will "stay" for us long as you keep in touch.

Ironically, there are people enduring emotions akin to these and wishing you could only accord them the same attention you so generously offer and desperately yearn for from your “unresponsive one”. However these "others" just leave you cold!

You opt to hang tough on this; withstand this web of undesired consuming emotions rather than take to heart people seemingly engrossed in you. 

You are disposed to change for this person; become what they would want you to be. Incidentally, they haven’t even asked for any of this. *I'm utterly mystified by this*

A plain subconscious compliment about something equally simple gets you smiling throughout the day followed by a pleasant dreams’ filled night with a sense of perilous longing.

Every so often you are drained due to investing all these feelings in this quite evidently wrong person but you are helpless. The situation is inexorable because you just don’t know how to not care about them. You only succeed at halting contact for a few agonizingly long days and voila...you resume from precisely where you stopped and this time the emotions are almost overflowing. 

You are keen to linger over this in anticipation of them ultimately relenting. You feel that if you gave someone else a chance, it would be impertinent. You want to keep loyal to the illusion that someday they will eventually reciprocate. Consequently all attempts by other people winning you over are futile. You are waiting for your one! 

Occasionally things get overwhelming and you subconsciously loathe this person for arousing such strange emotions. In actuality though, they certainly did not really bargain for any of this. You are solely accountable for this woe.

However, like Elle Newmark said in The Book of Unholy Mischief....

“...unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before.” 

A number of queries linger on my mind;

• Is this usual? 
• If so, how does one deal with this really complicated situation?
• What exactly is this? Love, an infatuation or an obsession? 
• Does it eventually die?

Nonetheless, amidst all this bewilderment, i know for certain that;

•  To the wrong person you’ll never have any worth but to the right one, you mean everything.
•  It is the most outlandish people that kindle such profound sentiments in us and we just can’t elucidate why. 
•  If you can’t be with one you love, learn to love the one you’re with.
•  Unrequited love is a really complicated and emotionally draining place to be.  Mentally, it is overly damaging.

Notwithstanding these facts, we often find ourselves wrapped in this not-so-cool situation. Such an enigma!

  Whoever comprehends the heart’s ways!!!!