Life; Oh Life!

Pondering my next move

It is habitual for me to inspect my facebook news feed the second I log on to my laptop at office; for it is my source for updates on current affairs about my country and the world over; seeing as I don’t watch TV much lately. Matter of fact, I haven’t subscribed for the basic bouquet of my decoder in over 8 months now.

This sunup however got me all emotional and probing my sanity a great deal; the first story I saw is entirely culpable. It was a post by one of the guys (Username Kojo) I zealously follow on this particular social networking website; for his posts kick-start my days owing to the fact that they are humorous and mostly insightful. Only this time, his status was heartrending. 

There on his wall was a photo of a lad with a caption “Gone too soon”. I’ve seen several posts akin to this on social media before, certainly; and yes; death is an invariable life reality. However, something about this picture fascinated me that I had to check out who the young fallen guy was.

“Respond to friend request” are the words that hit me on giving his wall a once-over. Shrekeezy Mhh had sent me a friend request I never got to confirm. And now he’s gone! 

What I learned in a simple mouse click left me broken, so much so that I had to steal a moment in the office privy to sob all the overwhelming emotions out.

Why so moved? That would be the sixty-four dollar question. When it’s all said and done, he was merely but a stranger on facebook; you may say and or think.  

Well, bereavement for one always gets me in a dire place; disoriented and overly downcast, naturally; particularly when it claims someone in his salad days; a youthful man such as Shrekeezy in the prime of his life. What’s more, we could have been friends. Nevertheless, I’ll never know, given that I tuned him out. Perchance if I hadn’t disregarded his friend request, I would have gotten to know him a tad ahead of the cruel claws of death. For a jiffy I contemplated confirming it; if only to peruse through his Timeline and get a peek at his life through the "eyes of Zuckerberg". I subconsciously surmised that it would somehow vindicate me and abate the remorse I harbor, and perhaps consequently venerate him. 

By the same token, I've been on a roller coaster of emotions for a while now; the whole ball of wax seems so damn bleak. I cry just about anything lately. I'm almost certain that you would ridicule me in the event that I shared half of the stuff I've shed a tear or two for in the recent past. A good case in point would be this little tale below;

See, there used to be an elderly man in my locality who was always by the beautiful gate of his residence whenever I passed by enroute to my place after work. He always smiled and waved to me with so much affection in his eyes that I got accustomed. It deeply warmed my heart; so much so that I always anticipated dusk for my daily smile and wave from my sweet old stranger by the road. 

The other day however, my friend was not at his usual spot when I drove by. I reckoned it was by virtue of the fact that I left work a tad earlier. Thus I pinned my hopes on seeing him the next day; I was yet to learn though that that was an ice cube's chance in hell. Five days without seeing that gentle grizzled smiley soul waving at me got me in a frenzy of despair. I wept in dread of the worst. Questions like could he have taken seriously ill? or had he passed on? racked my brain. Recently, unable to bear the uncertainty, I conjured up courage, walked up to the beautiful gate, slightly knocked and asked after my beloved elderly acquaintance. Apparently, he took a trip to his son’s home overseas; indefinitely. 

What seemed like uplifting news had me anguished and sobbing in the safety of my bedroom later that night. I was wounded that I never got to speak to him and tell him how much I appreciated that wave and smile. 

I have been crying a lot!

My bosom buddy Mauryn said to me today; “One thing I know about these emotional states is one always comes out stronger”. 

I hope upon a star that I emerge stronger when this episode finally passes; I’ve been in the pits (for failure to find the mot juste for my current mind frame).  I’ve got to be okay; by fair means or foul. 

To you Shrekeezy; I am sorry. Till we meet again; Rest in Peace!

And to you my beloved “smiley-wavey” senescent pal; I miss you!