Frantic times, saintly and humbling moments

Envisage this: I was in a really tight spot and realized that calling on God was the only way out of it. Naughty, right? So i got into a solemn discussion with the most high. I pledged to Him that if He got me out of it unscathed, i would give up something i love so much. He, the ever loving and forgiving Father who certainly knows what is best 4 me granted my wish and now it’s my turn to deliver on my promise.

As it is the nature of most of us His children, I want out of the deal. I don’t want to keep this promise anymore. But i don’t want to face his wrath either. I know for sure that if i keep defying Him, one day He might just chastise me gravely. I guess i should really be a compliant daughter this time. It’s for the best anyway!

And oh....thank you so much....it is true what they say that you are an all encompassing God!

Sad day...

 

I am teary right now! My colleagues...many of them have just got the boot! I feel so awful. These guys are so crushed! I wish i was a tycoon. I would find means to help this nation. I say this from the very core of my heart!

The future seems so bleak right now for these youths. Almighty father, please make a way for these young men and women wearing really sad expressions at this moment. Don’t desert them please. Amen *i subconsciously say a little prayer*  

Life’s a bitch! Couldn’t help but take a minute in the wash room to shed some tears. It’s the only way i calm down in such situations.

I almost believe what they say about Wednesdays being cursed! What with all the bad things happening today the 02/07/2014.

Beat this: I’ve been on a house hunt for 2 weeks now and had not been successful in getting what i was searching for. The apartments i have seen so far are either too far or too expensive for me. Just when i had chosen to let the search rest 4 now, a friend calls me up 2 see something not really nice but habitable and i paid up just to get it over with. A few minutes ago, my favourite broker called to tell me that he got something really cool, accessible and affordable! Dammit! I already paid 6 months’ rent for a lousy place!

Nevertheless, i enjoyed the whole experience. My broker is just so cool. All i have to do is part with 10bob to fuel his car and we move all over. He is so enduring, even when i keep saying “house cool but far from the roadside, no heater, lousy neighborhood, no salon close by, no popcorn kiosk...” among a list of all sorts of lame excuses i always give him to not rent a particular house. 

Well am going to make the most of this opportunity to save up so i can finally move into my dream apartment. It still haunts me that during my tours with my broker i saw a really cool pad i was too willing to give anything to have and then just as i left to add up the dime, a loaded guy and his girlfriend paid 12 months upfront! 

But oh well, such is life. Someone out there must be cursing me for taking the house s/he wanted to have so badly.

“There’s always inequality in life. Some men are killed in a war, some wounded and some never leave the country...” 

Life’s unfair...

Ooops....time check-17:31 and am not done with my daily report. See you when i get another chance to scribble folks.

Stay blessed!

If only it could just fade away....

"...i’ve been trying 2 get over u....i’ve been spending time alone....." sounds of Vince Gill, one of ma favourite country music artists play away on ma music system and for a moment i think...well this song just portrayed my current state of mind.

It’s a Saturday night and i should be doing something special to unwind...it’s always a long week 4 me and it would only be cool to cosset myself. In ma world though, ma indulgencies only range from a bar of chocolate and huge bottle of fanta to old ballads and love story movies. But today, even those could not help...i just cant think of anything else but him...and yet, i’ve been trying 2 get over him!

Oh nooooooooooooo....he didn’t miss..right?? Uruguay Vs Costa Rica is the match showing right now and this would have been an amazing goal but he missed. The overly handsome player kicked the ball too high. And now...a penalty for Uruguay.....soccer!

I wish i could be watching these games with you; learning a thing or two about this whole 90 minutes’ process involving men chasing after one ball in order to score points; soliciting clarity from you on a cross, foul, corner kick among other such terms used in this game that men obsess about.

“Ella focus”........that irksome but often times overly astute  little voice inside “shakes” me out of my digression and sets me back to my reality; it’s time to move on!

Quick question: Why is it so hard to get over “impossible loves”? I mean how come even when you know the two of you can’t be, you just can’t stop feeling so deeply for them? Shouldn’t the realisation that the feeling aint being reciprocated be sufficient to get them out of your system? How can one love in vain but keep on doing it? 

You still want to call and hear his voice, even when you know you’ll only feel worse after you hang up. Reason: you didn't hear the words you so desire to hear from the one you so badly miss.  Crazy, right?

It’s half time and sounds of Radio and Weasel play on Radio City...Neela...i love this song. Wait a second, Weasal didn’t feature in this one this time...are they going solo??? It’s a tight duo, i hope not!

Drat! Still have to prepare my supper. In a bid to keep my mind occupied, one of my new hobbies is cooking. A good friend said i’ve lost so much weight (never been bigger anyways) and the person am trying to get over begged me to take care of myself. So am off to make myself some delicious stuff; not sure what yet but i know it’s gonna be tasty. 

Till i scribble something else again.....

“Do not allow yourself to be in such a situation...it is so emotionally draining.....insisting on unreciprocated emotions”

Every so often things aint necessarily what we envision them to be....

As my case in point; CHANGE is a very frightening verity YET inevitable. Our journey through life involves a series of this phenomenon; some self imposed and others not.

Predominantly we are anxious, uncertain of the upshots and would rather keep things “the way they are”. This is linked to the fact that our attitudes and actions are not aligned with the new directions.

But it’s natural to feel out of sorts and frustrated when embarking in new directions. Doing things differently takes effort and the course is often really unclear.

We fear the unknown. Thus are apprehensive about where we are headed. And as a result, the most apparent  reaction is resistance.

But you’ve got to take the first step and the rest will fall into place; ‘cause unless you try, you will linger on harboring this phobia which according to my "learned friend" Google is also referred to as cainotophobia. Weird word right??

So identify those aspects of change that represent benefits for you as this will help you get a balanced perspective and orient you positively toward the change.

No matter the change, it will be much easier to cope with and adapt to if you hold a positive attitude towards change in general.

There was a time i used to get numerous job offers but kept turning them down because i felt i was okay with what i had then. I only recently realised i was afraid of the change of environment and all related to it.

But right now, am so proud of myself for being courageous enough to finally embrace a totally different life. I took on a new job and all that’s allied to it. Am coping quite awesomely and i must say, change aint so scary after all. It actually comes with great effects.

We long for exact sameness, ‘cause yes, it’s what we are accustomed to and always seems like the only or and better way. However there are enhanced opportunities out there. You only have to tap into them.

After all like they say “if we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living”.

Give change a shot and you will be amazed! Do not be inert in life. There’s better out there.

Gone

What can I say?

It’s amazing how time flies by. Seems like yesterday we were ushering in 2013 amidst oodles of revels and now, it’s spent.

Resolutions were made as it is the norm for scores of people each New Year as a way of laying down personal goals. And as i type this, I halt and execute a self evaluation to spot what was/wasn’t achieved. Providentially it brings a smile to my face simply because compared to 2012, am awed with bliss that more than 70% of my resolutions were accomplished. And now…I visualize with renewed confidence an even enhanced novel 2014.

This has been an adventurous year for me; I must acknowledge! I have done, said and typed stuff I never envisaged I ever would. For instance, i spent Christmas away from home, tasted alcohol hahahaha and actually got tipsy....wow! But on a solemn note, by and large am proud of myself because this has aided me to grow in assorted ways. I will take this liberty to believe that you are acquainted with the saying “the first step is always the hardest”…well I took several of these last year and consequently attained awesome effects.

Adventurous indeed!

I made quite a number of friends but foes as well. Or perhaps they weren’t really friends in the first place. Thing is am so quick to trust and perhaps am too slapdash when it comes to this field. And thus, am often hurt. Also the extent to which people feign friendships is disquieting. They mastered the art so well that by the time you realize it, it’s too late.

However, there were some really amazing people that came into my life. These made it much more cheerful than before. They managed to get this loner opening-up a-tad and not only smiling but laughing so hard sometimes she was teary. Thank you special people! I now believe in what they say that “it is not the amount of time one spends in your life that makes them impact on it”

Honestly, there were some “Oh no Ella” moments but am simply human and make mistakes; which faults have helped me grow into a much better person. Life is an incessant classroom anyway...and only geniuses go through lessons without any slip-ups.

Notably, it was a year of lessons, among which the following were the most precious to me;

• I have a lot of aptitude and it is utterly up to me to utilize my utmost potential. I took on a lot of challenges at work and elsewhere and realized I could actually do a great deal of stuff. Bravo Ella! And now am not afraid to say “The sky is the limit”. You too can be/do anything you want to. Just devote yo mind, body and soul to achieving it.
• It is not wise to act on emotions. Don’t ever make decisions when mad. This often engenders disastrous upshots. Take time to meditate and pacify before reacting. 
•  It is wrong to suppose and act on tittle-tattle. There are always two sides to a story. One should listen to all parties involved before drawing conclusions. Also,avoid second guessing. It is a dangerous habit..so i've learned.
• Do not force people to stay in your life. If you have done your best and they still wanna leave, let them. Fact is they were never really meant to stay in the first place. Life is too short to spend it trying so hard at even the most trivial of issues. Utilize your energy on things that actually add value to your life.
• Respect people regardless of their social status, physical appearance etal for you might never know when you could actually need them. Often times we undermine and treat others like they are less human. Desist from such.
•  We should not take life for granted. We should learn to appreciate the things we have…however little they may seem. Walking on the streets of Kampala one night with a friend seeing how innocent homeless kids suffered trying to get something to eat in the cold drizzles broke my heart *teary eyed*. There and then I realized how lucky i am n that i should thank God for it....everyday.
• Secrets have owners. You must respect that. Its only them that know when the right time would be for those secrets to be divulged. Do not take liberties at disclosing information that someone entrusted you with. That passes off as betrayal.
• It is so hard to sustain happiness in an intimate relationship unless you learn to give in to the other person. Compromise is the key.
• Running away from a problem is not wise because it is never a solution. When you can run no more and are out of breath, the problem will be right in front staring at you. Face it head-on and deal with it.
• Am actually a great mother *smiles proudly*. Never thought I would be this excellent at raising my angel the way I have. Single mums out there you can do it. If ever you find yourself in this situation, take it in stride and give those little tots all the love and care in the world. It is very feasible. Work hard for them and all will be very effortless. Besides, the little angel aint responsible 4 whatever may have happened between his/her parents.

With new optimism and self-assurance, I look forward to a fulfilling 2014. After all, it is a new year, for new beginnings and better opportunities. So help me God!

 To family n friends i lost to the cruel decree of life "DEATH"...i say "till we meet again....RIP"

To all reading this; "its a time for new aims, new dreams, new achievements waiting for you. So forget your failures, correct your mistakes n surely success will be yours". Happy New Year 2014!

May u achieve all your hearts’ desires this year! But 1^st…work hard and always include the Almighty in all your plans! Stay blessed!