You missed the boat

It's 2am and my phone rings at this ungodly hour. Naturally, I disregard it considering I only retired a few minutes ago following a movie date in my couch by myself.

However, the tenacity of this particular caller draws my attention. So I reach out and, my oh my, am I bowled over!

Enigma calling!

Enigma is the mot juste that best describes the lad that "marked" my heart.

For a jiffy I’m skeptical about answering, but curiosity gets the best of me and I hastily take the call nonetheless.

“Ella, I miss you. I was gonna call for the rest of the night if it’s what it took to get you to answer so I can say this to you. God, I miss you and really want to see you. There’s so much I need to tell you. If there's a chance, let's salvage what we.....”

*frown; more frowning; deep sigh*

If this call had come in 6 months ago or thereabouts; back then when I hankered for this man; wished upon a star that he would need me like I did him; went against all odds to remain relevant in his life; back then when my self-worth was synonymous with his assent; I would've undoubtedly leapt for joy.

Once upon a time, this voice made my body quiver. I would get tingly and mushy at the mention of his name; smile to myself and hum to my fav ballads at the mere thought of him. The epitome of love to me was Enigma.

Now, I'm blasé; for he razed the girl that wore her heart on her sleeve; no making bones about this. 

Several whys crowded my mind for a bit, most notably; why now? Why not then when the littlest of things meant the world to me? Why does he even think he has the entitlement to reach out now?

Nevertheless, I am resolved. I can undoubtedly say I moved on; my efforts to get him out of my system finally paid off. I know my worth now and can walk away without my heart brawling with my brain over it.

 Enigma, you lost the moon while counting stars.

Besides, I'm still too “Ella 2013” for you. The same old-school, naïve, even overly timid girl you passed on for several supposedly "dot.com, bohemian, raunchy" ones. 

Oh how it maimed me and caused lots of toxicity between us; considering they were usually acquaintances of mine!

However, you ceased to have that kind of hold over me. 

You my darling are several months too late!